Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
