May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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