Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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