Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
