i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
