I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize