Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
