It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
