it hurts more in the daytime
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize