Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
