His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He felt like a one man threesome
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize