weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
