Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
