dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
