I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
