Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
