Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
