im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
