Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
