marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
