Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
