I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize