Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
did you just send me my own nude
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
