I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
