Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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