so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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