I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
