Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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