Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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