I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize