I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
