He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
be right there i have to get my cape
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
