When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
