1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
