How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
