I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
