i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
