i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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