I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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