normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
