Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Drake has all the answers
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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