I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
