hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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