I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
