fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
