help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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