Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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