you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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