he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
