Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
