is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
