SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
