omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
