Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
