Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
two words...techno handjob
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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