i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize