i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
