jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Drunk is not a location!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Panties = found
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize