We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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