That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
