Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
