You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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