i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
