Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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