So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
