Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
