i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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