Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
