Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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