I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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