I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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