p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
