i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
