Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
They are going to name an STD after you.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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