im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
i out mim tonsoeep
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
