4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
