if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
