I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
