Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize