my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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