If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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