I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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